The Wonderful Lime Adventures of Mr. Sulu

This semester I'm taking a sanitation class so I can eventually take culinary classes. Now y'all must be thinking that this class is probably boring, dull and pretty lame. News flash, it pretty much is. I mean most of the things in this class is pretty common sense like don't cut chicken with one knife and then use that same knife to then make a salad. Or like wash your hands after you use the bathroom and before you start cooking. Most people would listen to these things and be like.... Uhhh... Duh.

So as informative as this class is, none of the things that we discuss in class is really that shocking. Luckily for me though there are a bunch of older people in my class that are irritating, distracting and totally entertaining all at the same time. And when I say older I mean these people are over 60 and probably older than or the same age as the chef teaching the class. they are all over eager learners, asking questions all the time, dragging out class time, telling ridiculous stories about their youth that they are some how trying to relive by going back to college.

One man in particular caught my attention because I thought he looked like Mr. Sulu from Star Trek. Okay well George Takei, but it's so much more fun to think of him as Mr. Sulu. And I swear I'm not being raciest just because he's Asian, he really does look like Mr. Sulu. Well a much older version. Anyways, this man has said some pretty ridiculous things in class like: "but if you have a piece of raw meat on your work station isn't the blood still alive?" and "well I didn't know kukiu nuts could give you diarrhea". (kukui nuts are a really oily nut, it's really common in Hawaii. The Hawaiians used it as candles.)

Anyways, one day during break Mr. Sulu wanted to ask the chef teaching the class a question... Here is how that the conversation went down:

Mr. Sulu: Chef can I ask a question?
Chef: sure go ahead.
Mr. Sulu: okay, so I had this lime and I used like half of it and then plastic wrapped the other half and left it in my fridge for like 2 weeks
[here I am, already sitting next to this guy in absolute horror of the image of this 2 week old lime in his fridge]
Mr. Sulu: and then I moved it to another part of my fridge and left it there for about another week.
[Me: in even more horror of this now 3 week old lime which for sure has some mold growing on it by now]
Chef: okaaaaayy....
Mr. Sulu: and I recently went to go move it in my fridge and as I moved it a strange sticky liquid came off on my hand so I licked it....
[by now I'm screaming in my head in pure terror of this dude, this man, licking an unknown substance off his hand he got from a 3 week old lime. WTF is he doing telling this story in our SANITATION class. He just broke about a thousand different rules... But wait it gets better]
Mr. Sulu: and it was kinda spicy. Like it burnt my lips and it burnt my throat. [WTF YO!]
Chef:(face in that of half horror and half this dude is crazy, but I'll listen because he looks like the type of guy who would pull a gun on me) okay....
Mr. Sulu: so then I noticed that some of it got on my fork...
Chef: wait where was your fork in this?
Mr. Sulu: in my fridge.
Other random student: (also in complete horror of this story) what is your fork doing in the fridge? [yeah dude, why is your freakin' fork in the fridge?]
Mr. Sulu: well I don't have a sink.
Chef: so you don't wash your dishes? You just lick it clean and leave it in the refrigerator? [ewwww... The thought of this is mind boggling]
Mr. Sulu: yeah. (he acted as if this was perfectly normal)
Chef: don't you have a sink in your bathroom? [as if that's suppose to some how make up for a lack of a sink in his kitchen]
Mr. Sulu: no (still acting as if this is all normal)
Other random student: how do you wash your hands then?
Mr. Sulu: in the tub. [uggg.. Noooo]
Chef: why don't you put a sink in?
Mr. Sulu: because I can't trust any of the people I hire to do the work. They do the work wrong and then they steal my tiles. [what? I'm so confused...]
Chef: well then maybe you are hiring the wrong people. [yeah, dumb ass]
Mr. Sulu: well no... But anyways. The liquid got on my fork and so I licked it off again, and it burned again. Like my lips and throat were burning. [ yeah cuz the first time you licked it you couldn't tell if it burned you] and so I guess the question I'm asking is, is there some sort of chemical changes that go on with a lime as it ages?

WTF?!? I was sitting in complete horror of this story. What was the purpose for all the back story? I mean as entertaining as that dude was, he was so wrong for telling this story in his sanitation class. How is this guy not dead from some sort of disease? And not only that but now everyone knows what a dirty mother fucker he is. No one in their right mind is ever going to want to eat at his restaurant. At least I know I'm avoiding his cooking like the god damn plague.

I honestly question this man's sanity. But as horrified as I was and am, it was a hell of an entertaining class. And now I sit in class hoping that he'll come out with another ridiculous story that will at lest distract me from how extremely bored I am in class.

And if you are wondering what the answer to his question was....
Chef: well the acid in the lime probably got concentrated which is why it probably burned your lips.

Alcohol? Yup I'm going there already. Deal.

I recently turnned 21 and legally I'm now able to drink alcohol. Now believe it or not but I've never had a drop of alcohol before I turned 21. I know most people try it or whatever before they even leave high school, but I was always the type of person to never wanna break laws and I never really saw the appeal of drinking, getting drunk, and then acting stupid.

So when I turned 21 it was kind of a big deal that I could finally drink. Now I'm not saying I'm an alcoholic.... But I finally get it. I get why people drink at parties and I get why people love to do it. My first drink was interesting. it was a strawberry margarita. sounds yummy yes? Yes. I thought so too, which is why I thought it would be the perfect first drink.

The buzz that I got was pretty cool and I admit it felt nice. I felt even more plesent than I already was and somehow I seemed to be more giggly, which now looking back is very out of character for me. I know for a fact I felt way more affectionate towards people than I normally do, but it felt pleasant. I felt warm and tingly all over. My face was all red, cuz I'm Asian and that's what happens to Asians when we drink. I felt good...real good.

But the taste of the alcohol was disgusting. I mean it tasted like someone dumped some nail polish remover into the drink and decided, hey let's drink this shit and see what happens to us. I know I have sensitive taste buds but damn, I never knew how horrible the taste of alcohol was gonna be. the first sip of my margarita went something like this:

Me: Oooo... Look at this pretty pink drink...
Margarita: Drink me! Drink me! Don't I just looks so yummy!
Me: Yes, you do look yummy so I think I'll have a sip of you before my food comes... *sip* Mmm... Strawberry...
Margarita: See don't I taste yumm-
Me: *BLECH* WTF IS THIS? Uggg.... What's up with this Margarita?
Margarita: oh, well that's just something called alcohol...
Me: oh... Ewww... (shoving the whole basket of chips down my throat to try and get the taste of alcohol out of my mouth)

So even though my first experience with drinking wasn't as plesent as I wish it was I've given alcohol multiple second chances. But I can't seem to get over this horrid after taste of alcohol. And considering my newness to this alcohol thing I think I've tried a good variety of different types of alcohol. Rum, tequila, vodka, wine, sake, champagne, kaluha, beer. I've sipped and drank some of these, had them in sweet drinks, fruity drinks, shots and even dessert but none of this seems to hide the fact that the taste of alcohol is simply awful.

Now I know what ya'll must be thinking... Ummmmm.... HEY, TARD. IT'S FUCKIN' ALCOHOL!! Okay yeah I know, but I never thought that it would taste THAT bad. I mean why would people drink it, if it taste horrible? And why would people rave on and on about their favorite alcoholic drinks and how wine or beer tastes so good with their foods?

Maybe I'm crazy or something but since I've turned of age I've been obsessing over the fact that I love feeling the buzz from the alcohol but hate the taste of it! It's not normal! I mean what person in their right mind drinks something they don't like the taste of? No one. But maybe it's just the fact that I'm so new at drinking. I've heard from some people that eventually I'll not even be able to taste the alcohol. But why would you need the alcohol in the first place if you eventually end up not tasting it? I know for the buzz... But then... And then why... But how.... argggg(I'm a pirate)... I honestly don't know anymore! Alcohol boggles my mind!

So I guess until I find an actual drink that tastes extremely yummy, and gives me a good buzz I'll be obsessing over this alcohol conundrum.

Obsessed much? Yes. Thank you very much.

Recently I've realized that I'm an extremely obsessive person. Now a normal person has a few obsessions, and sometimes I think it's healthy to have a few obsessions in life. But I can't help but feel like sometimes I become overly, unnaturally, freakishly obsessive over random things.

It's to the point where I live and breath these obsessions, no matter what I'm doing or who I'm talking to, my mind always seems to drift to my current obession. And you know when you see other people obsessed over something, and then oftentimes the people around them become annoyed with this person and their obsession... I get annoyed with myself for being so obsessed with things, but I dont care... because I'm so obsessed!

For example, often times I'll obsess over music. I'll obsess over one song, ONE SONG, and listen to that one song over and over again on my iPod on a constant loop. I once listened to one song for two weeks straight. Halo, by Beyoncè. I couldn't listen to anything else. It was to the point where this song was like my drug. It was my brand of heroin. (so I went through a Twilight phase, so sue me)

I tried to listen to other songs, but It was like trying to switch to drinking tea when you are clearly addicted coffee. Cuz tea gives you the caffeine that you're looking for but it just doesn't live up to the sweet creamy bitterness that is coffee. Halo was my cofffee and any other song was tea. I even got annoyed by this song like I often do when I over listen to a song, but I just couldn't NOT listen to it. I was addicted.

Not listening wasn't an option, no matter how hard I tried. My life was the song Halo by Beyoncè. I'd wake up and listen to it, and fall asleep to it playing on my Pirates of the Carribean pillow speaker. Instead of my normal coffee in the morning, a car ride with Halo on loop would energize me for the day. For my half hour lunch break I'd be listening to my iPod. During my art class my inspiration was Halo. When I went on youtube I would look up karaoke versions of Halo so I could try to sing along.

I was living and breathing Halo and I just couldn't understand why I was obsessing over this song so much. Was it the lyrics? Was it the melody? Or was it simply the fact that Beyoncè's voice was just simply so hypnotic? Lord knows what it was but Halo had me under its spell and I couldn't get away from it. On some days I tried in vain to not listen to Halo, but some how my fingers would just drift towards putting Halo on loop.

But... You know... logically speaking, why WOULDN'T I be addicted to Halo. If I was gonna be addicted to a song why not just let it be Halo? I mean it's a good song right? Pretty popular on the music charts. Good lyrics, good melody. And who doesn't love a good Beyoncè song? I mean come on, she's a fabulous singer... Kanye West approved. Granted he's not the best person to judge sanity... But I mean he's not in an insane assylum so I'm pretty sure that counts for something.

Towards the end of my constant listening session of Beyoncè's Halo I decided, ah what the hell. I shouldn't have to fight it so hard because clearly this was what my brain wanted to listen to. If I'm stuck for the rest of my life wanting to only listen to Halo, my life could be way worse. And really dying to the song Halo would actually be kind of a good send off, in a morbid way of thinking. But it's just a phase right? Right. I'll get over it soon enough. And more than likely I do.

So as you can see, My life is often like listening to Halo. I obsess to the point where I'm annoyed by my own obsession. Then I'll come to accept my obsession and learn how to deal with it. But like an obsession one day i'll just drop what ever im doing like a hot potato, and I'm moved onto my new obsession: Love You Long Time by the Black Eyed Peas.