This semester I'm taking a sanitation class so I can eventually take culinary classes. Now y'all must be thinking that this class is probably boring, dull and pretty lame. News flash, it pretty much is. I mean most of the things in this class is pretty common sense like don't cut chicken with one knife and then use that same knife to then make a salad. Or like wash your hands after you use the bathroom and before you start cooking. Most people would listen to these things and be like.... Uhhh... Duh.
So as informative as this class is, none of the things that we discuss in class is really that shocking. Luckily for me though there are a bunch of older people in my class that are irritating, distracting and totally entertaining all at the same time. And when I say older I mean these people are over 60 and probably older than or the same age as the chef teaching the class. they are all over eager learners, asking questions all the time, dragging out class time, telling ridiculous stories about their youth that they are some how trying to relive by going back to college.
One man in particular caught my attention because I thought he looked like Mr. Sulu from Star Trek. Okay well George Takei, but it's so much more fun to think of him as Mr. Sulu. And I swear I'm not being raciest just because he's Asian, he really does look like Mr. Sulu. Well a much older version. Anyways, this man has said some pretty ridiculous things in class like: "but if you have a piece of raw meat on your work station isn't the blood still alive?" and "well I didn't know kukiu nuts could give you diarrhea". (kukui nuts are a really oily nut, it's really common in Hawaii. The Hawaiians used it as candles.)
Anyways, one day during break Mr. Sulu wanted to ask the chef teaching the class a question... Here is how that the conversation went down:
Mr. Sulu: Chef can I ask a question?
Chef: sure go ahead.
Mr. Sulu: okay, so I had this lime and I used like half of it and then plastic wrapped the other half and left it in my fridge for like 2 weeks
[here I am, already sitting next to this guy in absolute horror of the image of this 2 week old lime in his fridge]
Mr. Sulu: and then I moved it to another part of my fridge and left it there for about another week.
[Me: in even more horror of this now 3 week old lime which for sure has some mold growing on it by now]
Chef: okaaaaayy....
Mr. Sulu: and I recently went to go move it in my fridge and as I moved it a strange sticky liquid came off on my hand so I licked it....
[by now I'm screaming in my head in pure terror of this dude, this man, licking an unknown substance off his hand he got from a 3 week old lime. WTF is he doing telling this story in our SANITATION class. He just broke about a thousand different rules... But wait it gets better]
Mr. Sulu: and it was kinda spicy. Like it burnt my lips and it burnt my throat. [WTF YO!]
Chef:(face in that of half horror and half this dude is crazy, but I'll listen because he looks like the type of guy who would pull a gun on me) okay....
Mr. Sulu: so then I noticed that some of it got on my fork...
Chef: wait where was your fork in this?
Mr. Sulu: in my fridge.
Other random student: (also in complete horror of this story) what is your fork doing in the fridge? [yeah dude, why is your freakin' fork in the fridge?]
Mr. Sulu: well I don't have a sink.
Chef: so you don't wash your dishes? You just lick it clean and leave it in the refrigerator? [ewwww... The thought of this is mind boggling]
Mr. Sulu: yeah. (he acted as if this was perfectly normal)
Chef: don't you have a sink in your bathroom? [as if that's suppose to some how make up for a lack of a sink in his kitchen]
Mr. Sulu: no (still acting as if this is all normal)
Other random student: how do you wash your hands then?
Mr. Sulu: in the tub. [uggg.. Noooo]
Chef: why don't you put a sink in?
Mr. Sulu: because I can't trust any of the people I hire to do the work. They do the work wrong and then they steal my tiles. [what? I'm so confused...]
Chef: well then maybe you are hiring the wrong people. [yeah, dumb ass]
Mr. Sulu: well no... But anyways. The liquid got on my fork and so I licked it off again, and it burned again. Like my lips and throat were burning. [ yeah cuz the first time you licked it you couldn't tell if it burned you] and so I guess the question I'm asking is, is there some sort of chemical changes that go on with a lime as it ages?
WTF?!? I was sitting in complete horror of this story. What was the purpose for all the back story? I mean as entertaining as that dude was, he was so wrong for telling this story in his sanitation class. How is this guy not dead from some sort of disease? And not only that but now everyone knows what a dirty mother fucker he is. No one in their right mind is ever going to want to eat at his restaurant. At least I know I'm avoiding his cooking like the god damn plague.
I honestly question this man's sanity. But as horrified as I was and am, it was a hell of an entertaining class. And now I sit in class hoping that he'll come out with another ridiculous story that will at lest distract me from how extremely bored I am in class.
And if you are wondering what the answer to his question was....
Chef: well the acid in the lime probably got concentrated which is why it probably burned your lips.
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